"FDA Bans Unpasteurized Breast Milk For Breastfeeding Babies"

"'It came to our attention that individuals were suckling directly from an unbleached nipple,' said FDA spokesman Arthur Steenow. 'When we looked at data for the U.S. population as a whole, we realized there was a strong correlation between this intake of unpasteurized mother’s milk and other alarming symptoms, most notably emotional irritability, crying, incontinence, weak limbs, and even a lack of articulate, verbal communication. It became apparent that we needed to move forward with bold action steps immediately.'"